he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
