Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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