i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize