I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
