this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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