I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
