if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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