so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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