never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
