Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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