She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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