Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
