so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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