He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
