Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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