I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
