i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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