for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
