Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
