I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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