ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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