The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
