New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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