Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize