dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
They should really pass out barf bags in church
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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