I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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