U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
