Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
