They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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