sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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