sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
