you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
