I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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