Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
