hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize