I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
