For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
