I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
