Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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