WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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