those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
