Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
