hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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