sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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