I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize