Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
