and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
