And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
