Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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