They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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