Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
