i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
