Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
