Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
