After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
