there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
