There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
