Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize