Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
