i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
