one might say we're banned from that church
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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