Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
