Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
