i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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