dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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