I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Are we still banned from the library?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
