I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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