I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
