I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
