lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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