i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
