I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
