Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
