my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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