DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
