then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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