I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
