Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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