About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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