He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize