my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
