ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
