There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
