shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize