with your own penis?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
