If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
