Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
