I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
