His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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