Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I lost the right to judge tonight
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
