If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
And then he peed in my hair
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