awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it was like his penis was on wheels.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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