There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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