I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
