yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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