How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
