Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
