I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
