kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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