It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
