Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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