Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
