Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
