Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
