i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
