she woke up with a sticky ear
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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