So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
