I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
