I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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